Usually when I blog it is because I cannot keep something inside and today is no different. The events that transpired at the beginning of this week have stirred up a passion in me that I can't ignore. I've tried for a couple of days to "just let it go" but I cannot. It is too important an issue to me to keep silent.
When I awoke Monday morning to learn that a well-known terrorist had been found and killed, it brought back a flood of memories from 9-11 so quickly and vividly. I saw pictures of people all across our nation who were coming together in the streets once again. Only this time it was not out of fear and confusion, it was to rejoice over a victory in this battle that has raged for ten years.
I was then very shocked to see that numerous Christian friends on Facebook thought all the celebrating was wrong because someone had died. I believe they totally misread the situation. We are not happy about someone's death, we are thankful for this huge victory! I am very, very saddened over the fact that this man went into eternity without humbling himself and trusting Christ as his Savior. That said, I will not mourn during this time! I believe it is a God-given victory and I will rejoice in that. I believe it IS right and biblical!
You may say that dancing in the streets is going too far. If it is just because someone lost their life, then I absolutely agree with you. However, that is not the case with most people out there. They are celebrating that once again, good has triumphed over evil! It is not a new thing to celebrate in this way.
Remember times of victory in the Bible? They rejoiced openly in these situations openly! Yes, people had died but that was the consequences of their own actions. God loves ALL people and makes Himself known to all, but if you continue down the path of rejection too far, you will meet horrible consequences.
God, in His mercy, will put a stop to those who persecute the innocent! And when He does, should we mourn their loss or celebrate God's mercy and power?
I am disheartened to realize how soft and weak Christianity has become in our day. We should fight strong against evil inside and out! We should celebrate strong when God brings victories! If we remain quiet and silent how will God's glory be magnified? If God's people in the Bible had just gone on with life after a victory, would we notice what a big deal it was? We tend to remember big celebrations. It is a way we recall what God has done; birthdays, weddings, victories in our individual lives and our life as a nation.
Perhaps you are wondering why I am making a big deal over this. It is because I believe this is a big deal. What I cannot believe is that some in the Christian community say they can't be happy in this situation! If not now, then when?! I do not believe the godly thing to do is mourn this man's death. Where have we gone wrong in our perception of who God is? I hate to think where our country is headed if Christians can't summon the courage to say, "Yes, evil has been defeated again! Thank You, Lord, and thank you, Armed Forces!" It IS ok (and right) to rejoice when the enemy has been defeated!
Psalm 143:12 says, "In Your steadfast love ou will cut off my enemies, and You will destroy all the adversaries of my soul, for I am your servant." God gives these victories out of love and mercy! How can we not praise Him for it? It IS biblical!
"He does not preserve the life of the wicked, but gives justice to the oppressed." Job 36:6
"To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice." Proverbs 21:3
"The righteous God wisely considers the house of the wicked, overthrowing the wicked for their wickedness... It is a joy for the just to do justice, but destruction will come to the workers of iniquity." Proverbs 21:12&15
"Learn to do good; seek justice, rebuke the oppressor; defend the fatherless, plead for the widow." Isaiah 1:17
How exactly do we think God saved David from his enemies in all the Psalms that we read? We want and pray for God's protection and mercy, but we don't want it to get ugly. The spiritual and physical war we fight isn't pretty or nice sometimes! God is a just and merciful God. He is loving He loves us enough to let us choose if we receive His mercy through the blood of His Son or continue in our pride and pay the price ourselves. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23
I am very sorry this man chose to ignore God's grace. I wish he had chosen otherwise. But because he did not, I will thank the Lord for not allowing his sin to affect others any longer.
One question I have in all this; Have we forgotten? We've said for ten years, "Never forget!" But have we? I am so proud to be an American! I am proud of our nation's heritage and I will support our troops in protecting us even when the going gets tough! I am thankful there are those who aren't afraid to do so. We as Americans have taken for granted the freedom we have, and why we have it. I also believe we as Christians take for granted why we have what we have in Christ.
The Christian life is filled with battles. We love the victories but we forget that they are a result of fighting the good fight. Yes, you can - and must - fight a good fight and keep your faith. They go hand in hand. "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7 Fighting involves pain and unpleasantness. But when victory comes it is and should be sweet.
God has entrusted four boys to me. The age in which they are growing up is complicated and difficult. But I am resolved to train and raise them to be strong men of God. Men who will not shy away from choices that are hard and unpopular. My goal is to raise them to be as 1 Chronicles 12:32 says the sons of Issachar were. I want them to have an understanding of the times and know what they ought to do. I want them to understand the age and world they are living in and to know God fully in order to know what they ought to do to bring Him glory.
I cannot fully explain why I am so passionate on this subject other than the fact that it is my great desire to see the church, my nation, and my children remain strong as the day of Christ's return draws near. It is of vital importance that we continue to see God in His entirety. God IS love. He does not want ANY to perish. But when those who reject Him continue in their sin and ways of destruction, He cannot and will not allow that to go on. We, as His sons and daughters, must glorify Him in this as much as any other aspect of who He is. In His mercy and love He cuts off our enemies. Love and justice. The two do go together. Not only that, they cannot be separated.
So, let freedom ring! And praise the One Who gives us that freedom!
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Dangled Carrots
Have you ever prayed for something and got excited because God led you to do something, only to see those prayers unbelievably come to fruition in someone else’s life? Twice? So, you resign yourself to the fact that it wasn’t God’s best for your life and continue on, working on being content. And just when you are content, God sends you multiple messages that when the time is right the answer is going to be more amazing than you could have imagined? That is exactly where I am. I am trying so very hard to be content in this area and trust that God has a reason for not making it happen. But why is God seemingly toying with me? Yes, I know He’s really not. All He has said is meant as an encouragement to keep on dreaming I guess, but in a way it hurts. Just let me let that dream die if it’s not coming! I want to be content! Truly I do! But He will not let me forget it. Each time the reminder comes to keep hoping it’s like He’s saying, “Wait for it… wait for it…! It’s going to be awesome!! Wait for it…!” As much as I love hearing His voice and knowing He hasn’t forgotten, it’s so hard to be dangled a carrot just out of reach, while those close to you are enjoying theirs. Don’t get me wrong. I am SO excited for those who are enjoying their answers. I want to jump up and down in joy for them! But it is very ironic at the same time. Having all these little clues that God may still be up to something is heartening. It is. But honestly, I am so scared of hoping and nothing happening. I know that’s a serious lack of faith and I’m trying to bolster that. It is no coincidence that our church is doing a series on faith right now. J and I even spoke to a group on Sunday about our journey with T. Isn’t it funny when God tells you to speak to people so He can tell you something? : ) I am trying to listen, Lord. You know I am. Keep the little messages coming. They do help more than they hurt. And God, I trust you no matter where this road leads. You’ve proven over and over how much better your roads are than mine. I’ll stay on it. Carry me when I need it. Help me to quietly trust when I want to scream. Help me to balance “faith without works is dead” and “be still and know that I am God.” Thank you for loving me and thank you for each and every note you send to remind me that you’re thinking of me. I love You too.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Amazing Grace
So much to say, I don’t even know where to begin. Sometimes a week, or even a day will take you where you never expected to go. In hindsight I can’t say I’d want to go there again. In fact, I pray I never have to. But, as God has proven before, I’m sure there is an unseen purpose in it all. Though, with this one I don’t think I’m going to see it this side of heaven.
That being said, I do want to proclaim how faithful God is when life flies at us faster than we can blink. This particular story of God’s faithfulness began early one Friday morning. Well, actually on Monday. Our three older boys came down with the flu early in the week and were pitifully sick. High fevers and just feeling “yucky”. T came down with the same symptoms on Wednesday but, just like his brothers, he just seemed to be tired and feeling unwell. I hate seeing my babies sick, even with something minor, so having them all sick at once was especially hard.
By Friday morning all the boys were in the middle of it. Fevers up and down, feeling good one minute, and bad the next. However, T took a drastically different turn. He began having horrible dirty diapers every few minutes and vomiting. By noon he looked awful. Dark, sunken eyes and weak as can be, but he would not sleep. J took him to a doctor. They confirmed that he did have the flu and gave him Rx’s and a checklist of things to watch for. We tried the medicine but the sickness continued – constantly. There was one hour when I finally rocked him to sleep and I thought this was the rest he needed and then we’d try the medicine and feeding him again when he woke up. When we laid him down to change him though, he was losing color and very lethargic. We immediately rushed him to the ER.
It is amazing the grace God pours out at the exact time you need it. I tend to panic in times like these, but once this roller coaster started in motion there was enough grace and peace to see things clearly and competently. It did not take the pain away, but if my Lord had to suffer the pain He did, why should I think I deserve any different? In the hours that followed the pain was almost unbearable, but the peace was just as abundant. Sounds ridiculous, but for those who have experienced it, you know what I mean.
J is the one who took T to the ER. It is only a five minute drive, but it was not an easy trip by any stretch of the imagination. T was so bad when he got there that another family who also had a baby, told the staff to take T first and get him taken care of. As soon as my sister came to watch the older boys I followed. As I went down the hall to where several doctors and nurses were working with T and saw that he was intubated, I knew this was not going to be a day or two visit to rehydrate him. His sweet little body couldn’t take the sickness that had so swiftly taken over. I was realizing that I could lose my sweet T. My heart literally hurt so much I had to tell myself to take each breath.
J and I were a few feet from T watching all that was going on and all I could think was, “He’s not done yet! He’s just not done yet! God is not done working through T!!!” It wasn’t a plea, it was a feeling inside of me that was certain. This just didn’t make sense. I knew the reality was that God could continue to use his life no matter how long or short. I have seen it before; sweet little ones who still have an impact on me, though they are with the Lord at this very moment. I knew God would give grace for whatever happened, but there was that “something” that kept giving me hope. All I can attribute that to is the Holy Spirit interceding for us.
In the next several minutes I heard all sorts of words flying through the air… oxygen, ventilator, medicines, numbers, mediflight to OKC…….. mediflight?? Ohhhhhkaaaay. “Lord, I never expected that to be said in reference to my child, but ok. If that’s how you want to do this, ok.” They got T somewhat stable and ready to go and soon the team was taking him out to the helicopter. We were not allowed to go with them because there wasn’t room, so as we walked back out the cars I saw them getting T on the chopper. By this point, I was either numb with shock or completely covered in grace. I absolutely think it was the latter. We went back home to get the boys ready to go to my parents’ house and grab a few things. When I walked in, my sister and the boys said they just heard T fly over and prayed for him. Then it hit me. Oh my word, that’s MY baby!!! I must say, my prayers for those needing that service and their families are now much more focused and sincere.
The long drive up to the hospital where T was going was not what I expected. J & I were surprisingly calm. Again, I know that was many, many prayers and abundant grace. I have to say here, that God has blessed me so much with the husband He gave me. He knew I needed someone who is so wonderfully loving, yet a pillar of strength to lean on in these rough times. I thank God for giving J the strength to be strong for both of us.
My parents arrived at the hospital before we did and were there with T when we found his icu room. There were also dear friends from church waiting as well. What in the world we’d do without precious family and our church family, I do not know. They all kept us going each and every day more than they will ever know.
The doctors and nurses in OKC worked for several more hours to stabilize T. I couldn’t say whether the rest of the night went by fast or slowly. Some minutes flew and others felt like an hour. The next several days however, were anything but fast moving. The days and night continued to pass, but each one felt like a week. I hated seeing T like that. So weak and fragile. I hated that I couldn’t be with my older boys and take care of them when they were still sick. I hated that everything happened so fast and it was all so unexpected for everyone. I have no doubt that God gave T, B & S grace for what they went through too, being suddenly rushed here and there. Although, something tells me spending a whole week with grandparents and their Aunt was not all that bad for them. It ripped my heart out though, each day to have to say goodbye to one child to see the others and vice versa. I just can’t imagine how others do it for much longer periods of time than we had to.
It was discovered that T had Rotavirus in addition to the flu. Because it hit so fast and T is so little, it just wiped his system out. He dehydrated so quickly that his sodium levels skyrocketed and there was danger in bringing them down too fast for fear of brain swelling. We found this out just about the time T finally started sleeping again. Needless to say hearing that and watching T sleep for the next 36-48 hours was not comforting. But seeing him gradually wake up and want his musical light toys showed us he was going to be just fine. A few more days passed and he began to talk. What a sweet sound that was! Especially hearing him ask for the “oys” (boys). His body continued to gain strength, and as soon as T could begin holding down enough fluid on his own, they released him. As we left that day I almost felt like we were escaping – quick, run, don’t look back!! Part of me wanted to forget it all as fast as I could and the other part of me knows I never want to forget a minute of it. God displayed his power, love, mercy, and grace through each and every detail and to forget the heartache would be to forget the peace that accompanied it.
The first couple of days home were still a struggle getting T to eat, or should I say drink since he still detests anything with texture. The virus so messed up his stomach that he hated eating. Can’t blame him, but on the other hand he HAD to eat! Prayer by prayer he began to take more and more. Today he was hungry and wanted to eat each time he needed to. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!
The most profound moment in the last couple of weeks came after we were home. J had gone back to work. Big T, B & S were in the other room playing, and I was sitting on the floor with T just enjoying the fact that he was home and on the mend. We were playing with his favorite toy and reciting names – he loves names. I’d say “Daddy” and he’d repeat it. “Mommy”, “T”, and so on. My heart overflowed with thankfulness and I said, “Jesus. Thank You, Jesus! Can you say ‘Jesus’?” I had been close enough to T that he was looking at my face as we talked, but when I said this he looked past me up to the ceiling and smiled a smile I could never describe in a million years. It was a smile I’d never seen before. He looked up with that smile for a second and then said in a sweet, tiny voice, “Byeee!” Then he looked back at me with his normal happy face. I froze, looking at him in disbelief. Did he really just say that? So I asked him again, “Can you say ‘Jesus’?” I watched him do the exact same thing again. My gaze changed from disbelief to awe and yes, a little bit of jealousy. Wow, sweet boy! You’ve seen clearer than I ever have, a face that I long to see. I wondered in that moment if the Lord had told T the same thing I had been thinking all those days before. “Sorry buddy, but we’re not done yet! I still have so much more I want to do in and through your life on earth. Keep on reminding your family how precious life is and how beautiful God’s plans are, no matter how hard the road gets. And remember, little boy… I LOVE YOU.”
Big T told me the day after T came home that he thought T was different since he got out of the hospital. I asked him what he meant and he said, “He smiles a whole lot more.” Yet another lesson for me taught through my children. Times of suffering are hard, sometimes excruciating. Yet somehow on the other side of them there are joys we never imagined!
The last time T went though medical difficulties I was fighting God, and fighting hard. God was faithful then to hold onto me just as He promised. I must say, as tough as this ordeal was, it was much easier not fighting the One Who lovingly carried me through it. My Lord continues to prove Himself faithful. He is Love. He never changes. And His grace abounds all the more! God is great, and greatly to be praised!
That being said, I do want to proclaim how faithful God is when life flies at us faster than we can blink. This particular story of God’s faithfulness began early one Friday morning. Well, actually on Monday. Our three older boys came down with the flu early in the week and were pitifully sick. High fevers and just feeling “yucky”. T came down with the same symptoms on Wednesday but, just like his brothers, he just seemed to be tired and feeling unwell. I hate seeing my babies sick, even with something minor, so having them all sick at once was especially hard.
By Friday morning all the boys were in the middle of it. Fevers up and down, feeling good one minute, and bad the next. However, T took a drastically different turn. He began having horrible dirty diapers every few minutes and vomiting. By noon he looked awful. Dark, sunken eyes and weak as can be, but he would not sleep. J took him to a doctor. They confirmed that he did have the flu and gave him Rx’s and a checklist of things to watch for. We tried the medicine but the sickness continued – constantly. There was one hour when I finally rocked him to sleep and I thought this was the rest he needed and then we’d try the medicine and feeding him again when he woke up. When we laid him down to change him though, he was losing color and very lethargic. We immediately rushed him to the ER.
It is amazing the grace God pours out at the exact time you need it. I tend to panic in times like these, but once this roller coaster started in motion there was enough grace and peace to see things clearly and competently. It did not take the pain away, but if my Lord had to suffer the pain He did, why should I think I deserve any different? In the hours that followed the pain was almost unbearable, but the peace was just as abundant. Sounds ridiculous, but for those who have experienced it, you know what I mean.
J is the one who took T to the ER. It is only a five minute drive, but it was not an easy trip by any stretch of the imagination. T was so bad when he got there that another family who also had a baby, told the staff to take T first and get him taken care of. As soon as my sister came to watch the older boys I followed. As I went down the hall to where several doctors and nurses were working with T and saw that he was intubated, I knew this was not going to be a day or two visit to rehydrate him. His sweet little body couldn’t take the sickness that had so swiftly taken over. I was realizing that I could lose my sweet T. My heart literally hurt so much I had to tell myself to take each breath.
J and I were a few feet from T watching all that was going on and all I could think was, “He’s not done yet! He’s just not done yet! God is not done working through T!!!” It wasn’t a plea, it was a feeling inside of me that was certain. This just didn’t make sense. I knew the reality was that God could continue to use his life no matter how long or short. I have seen it before; sweet little ones who still have an impact on me, though they are with the Lord at this very moment. I knew God would give grace for whatever happened, but there was that “something” that kept giving me hope. All I can attribute that to is the Holy Spirit interceding for us.
In the next several minutes I heard all sorts of words flying through the air… oxygen, ventilator, medicines, numbers, mediflight to OKC…….. mediflight?? Ohhhhhkaaaay. “Lord, I never expected that to be said in reference to my child, but ok. If that’s how you want to do this, ok.” They got T somewhat stable and ready to go and soon the team was taking him out to the helicopter. We were not allowed to go with them because there wasn’t room, so as we walked back out the cars I saw them getting T on the chopper. By this point, I was either numb with shock or completely covered in grace. I absolutely think it was the latter. We went back home to get the boys ready to go to my parents’ house and grab a few things. When I walked in, my sister and the boys said they just heard T fly over and prayed for him. Then it hit me. Oh my word, that’s MY baby!!! I must say, my prayers for those needing that service and their families are now much more focused and sincere.
The long drive up to the hospital where T was going was not what I expected. J & I were surprisingly calm. Again, I know that was many, many prayers and abundant grace. I have to say here, that God has blessed me so much with the husband He gave me. He knew I needed someone who is so wonderfully loving, yet a pillar of strength to lean on in these rough times. I thank God for giving J the strength to be strong for both of us.
My parents arrived at the hospital before we did and were there with T when we found his icu room. There were also dear friends from church waiting as well. What in the world we’d do without precious family and our church family, I do not know. They all kept us going each and every day more than they will ever know.
The doctors and nurses in OKC worked for several more hours to stabilize T. I couldn’t say whether the rest of the night went by fast or slowly. Some minutes flew and others felt like an hour. The next several days however, were anything but fast moving. The days and night continued to pass, but each one felt like a week. I hated seeing T like that. So weak and fragile. I hated that I couldn’t be with my older boys and take care of them when they were still sick. I hated that everything happened so fast and it was all so unexpected for everyone. I have no doubt that God gave T, B & S grace for what they went through too, being suddenly rushed here and there. Although, something tells me spending a whole week with grandparents and their Aunt was not all that bad for them. It ripped my heart out though, each day to have to say goodbye to one child to see the others and vice versa. I just can’t imagine how others do it for much longer periods of time than we had to.
It was discovered that T had Rotavirus in addition to the flu. Because it hit so fast and T is so little, it just wiped his system out. He dehydrated so quickly that his sodium levels skyrocketed and there was danger in bringing them down too fast for fear of brain swelling. We found this out just about the time T finally started sleeping again. Needless to say hearing that and watching T sleep for the next 36-48 hours was not comforting. But seeing him gradually wake up and want his musical light toys showed us he was going to be just fine. A few more days passed and he began to talk. What a sweet sound that was! Especially hearing him ask for the “oys” (boys). His body continued to gain strength, and as soon as T could begin holding down enough fluid on his own, they released him. As we left that day I almost felt like we were escaping – quick, run, don’t look back!! Part of me wanted to forget it all as fast as I could and the other part of me knows I never want to forget a minute of it. God displayed his power, love, mercy, and grace through each and every detail and to forget the heartache would be to forget the peace that accompanied it.
The first couple of days home were still a struggle getting T to eat, or should I say drink since he still detests anything with texture. The virus so messed up his stomach that he hated eating. Can’t blame him, but on the other hand he HAD to eat! Prayer by prayer he began to take more and more. Today he was hungry and wanted to eat each time he needed to. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!
The most profound moment in the last couple of weeks came after we were home. J had gone back to work. Big T, B & S were in the other room playing, and I was sitting on the floor with T just enjoying the fact that he was home and on the mend. We were playing with his favorite toy and reciting names – he loves names. I’d say “Daddy” and he’d repeat it. “Mommy”, “T”, and so on. My heart overflowed with thankfulness and I said, “Jesus. Thank You, Jesus! Can you say ‘Jesus’?” I had been close enough to T that he was looking at my face as we talked, but when I said this he looked past me up to the ceiling and smiled a smile I could never describe in a million years. It was a smile I’d never seen before. He looked up with that smile for a second and then said in a sweet, tiny voice, “Byeee!” Then he looked back at me with his normal happy face. I froze, looking at him in disbelief. Did he really just say that? So I asked him again, “Can you say ‘Jesus’?” I watched him do the exact same thing again. My gaze changed from disbelief to awe and yes, a little bit of jealousy. Wow, sweet boy! You’ve seen clearer than I ever have, a face that I long to see. I wondered in that moment if the Lord had told T the same thing I had been thinking all those days before. “Sorry buddy, but we’re not done yet! I still have so much more I want to do in and through your life on earth. Keep on reminding your family how precious life is and how beautiful God’s plans are, no matter how hard the road gets. And remember, little boy… I LOVE YOU.”
Big T told me the day after T came home that he thought T was different since he got out of the hospital. I asked him what he meant and he said, “He smiles a whole lot more.” Yet another lesson for me taught through my children. Times of suffering are hard, sometimes excruciating. Yet somehow on the other side of them there are joys we never imagined!
The last time T went though medical difficulties I was fighting God, and fighting hard. God was faithful then to hold onto me just as He promised. I must say, as tough as this ordeal was, it was much easier not fighting the One Who lovingly carried me through it. My Lord continues to prove Himself faithful. He is Love. He never changes. And His grace abounds all the more! God is great, and greatly to be praised!
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