Dangled Carrots

Have you ever prayed for something and got excited because God led you to do something, only to see those prayers unbelievably come to fruition in someone else’s life? Twice? So, you resign yourself to the fact that it wasn’t God’s best for your life and continue on, working on being content. And just when you are content, God sends you multiple messages that when the time is right the answer is going to be more amazing than you could have imagined? That is exactly where I am. I am trying so very hard to be content in this area and trust that God has a reason for not making it happen. But why is God seemingly toying with me? Yes, I know He’s really not. All He has said is meant as an encouragement to keep on dreaming I guess, but in a way it hurts. Just let me let that dream die if it’s not coming! I want to be content! Truly I do! But He will not let me forget it. Each time the reminder comes to keep hoping it’s like He’s saying, “Wait for it… wait for it…! It’s going to be awesome!! Wait for it…!” As much as I love hearing His voice and knowing He hasn’t forgotten, it’s so hard to be dangled a carrot just out of reach, while those close to you are enjoying theirs. Don’t get me wrong. I am SO excited for those who are enjoying their answers. I want to jump up and down in joy for them! But it is very ironic at the same time. Having all these little clues that God may still be up to something is heartening. It is. But honestly, I am so scared of hoping and nothing happening. I know that’s a serious lack of faith and I’m trying to bolster that. It is no coincidence that our church is doing a series on faith right now. J and I even spoke to a group on Sunday about our journey with T. Isn’t it funny when God tells you to speak to people so He can tell you something? : ) I am trying to listen, Lord. You know I am. Keep the little messages coming. They do help more than they hurt. And God, I trust you no matter where this road leads. You’ve proven over and over how much better your roads are than mine. I’ll stay on it. Carry me when I need it. Help me to quietly trust when I want to scream. Help me to balance “faith without works is dead” and “be still and know that I am God.” Thank you for loving me and thank you for each and every note you send to remind me that you’re thinking of me. I love You too.