Amazing Grace

So much to say, I don’t even know where to begin. Sometimes a week, or even a day will take you where you never expected to go. In hindsight I can’t say I’d want to go there again. In fact, I pray I never have to. But, as God has proven before, I’m sure there is an unseen purpose in it all. Though, with this one I don’t think I’m going to see it this side of heaven.

That being said, I do want to proclaim how faithful God is when life flies at us faster than we can blink. This particular story of God’s faithfulness began early one Friday morning. Well, actually on Monday. Our three older boys came down with the flu early in the week and were pitifully sick. High fevers and just feeling “yucky”. T came down with the same symptoms on Wednesday but, just like his brothers, he just seemed to be tired and feeling unwell. I hate seeing my babies sick, even with something minor, so having them all sick at once was especially hard.


By Friday morning all the boys were in the middle of it. Fevers up and down, feeling good one minute, and bad the next. However, T took a drastically different turn. He began having horrible dirty diapers every few minutes and vomiting. By noon he looked awful. Dark, sunken eyes and weak as can be, but he would not sleep. J took him to a doctor. They confirmed that he did have the flu and gave him Rx’s and a checklist of things to watch for. We tried the medicine but the sickness continued – constantly. There was one hour when I finally rocked him to sleep and I thought this was the rest he needed and then we’d try the medicine and feeding him again when he woke up. When we laid him down to change him though, he was losing color and very lethargic. We immediately rushed him to the ER.

It is amazing the grace God pours out at the exact time you need it. I tend to panic in times like these, but once this roller coaster started in motion there was enough grace and peace to see things clearly and competently. It did not take the pain away, but if my Lord had to suffer the pain He did, why should I think I deserve any different? In the hours that followed the pain was almost unbearable, but the peace was just as abundant. Sounds ridiculous, but for those who have experienced it, you know what I mean.

J is the one who took T to the ER. It is only a five minute drive, but it was not an easy trip by any stretch of the imagination. T was so bad when he got there that another family who also had a baby, told the staff to take T first and get him taken care of. As soon as my sister came to watch the older boys I followed. As I went down the hall to where several doctors and nurses were working with T and saw that he was intubated, I knew this was not going to be a day or two visit to rehydrate him. His sweet little body couldn’t take the sickness that had so swiftly taken over. I was realizing that I could lose my sweet T. My heart literally hurt so much I had to tell myself to take each breath.

J and I were a few feet from T watching all that was going on and all I could think was, “He’s not done yet! He’s just not done yet! God is not done working through T!!!” It wasn’t a plea, it was a feeling inside of me that was certain. This just didn’t make sense. I knew the reality was that God could continue to use his life no matter how long or short. I have seen it before; sweet little ones who still have an impact on me, though they are with the Lord at this very moment. I knew God would give grace for whatever happened, but there was that “something” that kept giving me hope. All I can attribute that to is the Holy Spirit interceding for us.

In the next several minutes I heard all sorts of words flying through the air… oxygen, ventilator, medicines, numbers, mediflight to OKC…….. mediflight?? Ohhhhhkaaaay. “Lord, I never expected that to be said in reference to my child, but ok. If that’s how you want to do this, ok.” They got T somewhat stable and ready to go and soon the team was taking him out to the helicopter. We were not allowed to go with them because there wasn’t room, so as we walked back out the cars I saw them getting T on the chopper. By this point, I was either numb with shock or completely covered in grace. I absolutely think it was the latter. We went back home to get the boys ready to go to my parents’ house and grab a few things. When I walked in, my sister and the boys said they just heard T fly over and prayed for him. Then it hit me. Oh my word, that’s MY baby!!! I must say, my prayers for those needing that service and their families are now much more focused and sincere.

The long drive up to the hospital where T was going was not what I expected. J & I were surprisingly calm. Again, I know that was many, many prayers and abundant grace. I have to say here, that God has blessed me so much with the husband He gave me. He knew I needed someone who is so wonderfully loving, yet a pillar of strength to lean on in these rough times. I thank God for giving J the strength to be strong for both of us.

My parents arrived at the hospital before we did and were there with T when we found his icu room. There were also dear friends from church waiting as well. What in the world we’d do without precious family and our church family, I do not know. They all kept us going each and every day more than they will ever know.

The doctors and nurses in OKC worked for several more hours to stabilize T. I couldn’t say whether the rest of the night went by fast or slowly. Some minutes flew and others felt like an hour. The next several days however, were anything but fast moving. The days and night continued to pass, but each one felt like a week. I hated seeing T like that. So weak and fragile. I hated that I couldn’t be with my older boys and take care of them when they were still sick. I hated that everything happened so fast and it was all so unexpected for everyone. I have no doubt that God gave T, B & S grace for what they went through too, being suddenly rushed here and there. Although, something tells me spending a whole week with grandparents and their Aunt was not all that bad for them.  It ripped my heart out though, each day to have to say goodbye to one child to see the others and vice versa. I just can’t imagine how others do it for much longer periods of time than we had to.

It was discovered that T had Rotavirus in addition to the flu. Because it hit so fast and T is so little, it just wiped his system out. He dehydrated so quickly that his sodium levels skyrocketed and there was danger in bringing them down too fast for fear of brain swelling. We found this out just about the time T finally started sleeping again. Needless to say hearing that and watching T sleep for the next 36-48 hours was not comforting. But seeing him gradually wake up and want his musical light toys showed us he was going to be just fine. A few more days passed and he began to talk. What a sweet sound that was! Especially hearing him ask for the “oys” (boys). His body continued to gain strength, and as soon as T could begin holding down enough fluid on his own, they released him. As we left that day I almost felt like we were escaping – quick, run, don’t look back!! Part of me wanted to forget it all as fast as I could and the other part of me knows I never want to forget a minute of it. God displayed his power, love, mercy, and grace through each and every detail and to forget the heartache would be to forget the peace that accompanied it.
The first couple of days home were still a struggle getting T to eat, or should I say drink since he still detests anything with texture. The virus so messed up his stomach that he hated eating. Can’t blame him, but on the other hand he HAD to eat! Prayer by prayer he began to take more and more. Today he was hungry and wanted to eat each time he needed to. Praise the Lord!!!!!!!

The most profound moment in the last couple of weeks came after we were home. J had gone back to work. Big T, B & S were in the other room playing, and I was sitting on the floor with T just enjoying the fact that he was home and on the mend. We were playing with his favorite toy and reciting names – he loves names. I’d say “Daddy” and he’d repeat it. “Mommy”, “T”, and so on. My heart overflowed with thankfulness and I said, “Jesus. Thank You, Jesus! Can you say ‘Jesus’?” I had been close enough to T that he was looking at my face as we talked, but when I said this he looked past me up to the ceiling and smiled a smile I could never describe in a million years. It was a smile I’d never seen before. He looked up with that smile for a second and then said in a sweet, tiny voice, “Byeee!” Then he looked back at me with his normal happy face. I froze, looking at him in disbelief. Did he really just say that? So I asked him again, “Can you say ‘Jesus’?” I watched him do the exact same thing again. My gaze changed from disbelief to awe and yes, a little bit of jealousy. Wow, sweet boy! You’ve seen clearer than I ever have, a face that I long to see. I wondered in that moment if the Lord had told T the same thing I had been thinking all those days before. “Sorry buddy, but we’re not done yet! I still have so much more I want to do in and through your life on earth. Keep on reminding your family how precious life is and how beautiful God’s plans are, no matter how hard the road gets. And remember, little boy… I LOVE YOU.”

Big T told me the day after T came home that he thought T was different since he got out of the hospital. I asked him what he meant and he said, “He smiles a whole lot more.” Yet another lesson for me taught through my children. Times of suffering are hard, sometimes excruciating. Yet somehow on the other side of them there are joys we never imagined!

The last time T went though medical difficulties I was fighting God, and fighting hard. God was faithful then to hold onto me just as He promised. I must say, as tough as this ordeal was, it was much easier not fighting the One Who lovingly carried me through it. My Lord continues to prove Himself faithful. He is Love. He never changes. And His grace abounds all the more! God is great, and greatly to be praised!