With the new year approaching I'm getting that feeling again in the pit of my stomach. The one I've enjoyed ignoring for a couple of months. The one that tells me more appointments and even procedures for t are coming so soon. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very thankful that our issues this year with him have been so minor compared to what we expected, but it still doesn't make it easier. I guess I'm nervous that in the midst of going to appointments to take care of what we know, more will be discovered. Those first few months of seemingly not going a week without some other major thing coming to the surface is still a little too fresh in my mind. Just when I thought things were ok, something else came up. Will this next year be as simple as having a few procedures/surgeries and then life will be "normal" for a few years? Part of me is afraid to hope. Even though God continually reminds me of all He did this year and that each thing that came up was an opportunity for Him to show His power. I know everything will be fine, but I'm so afraid that everything won't be fine, ya know? I love my t so much and I'm so thankful for the way God made him, but honestly it is still a struggle to see how babies younger than him are so much more advanced. It's not bad, just different. I don't mind caring for him at all, he really is a very easy, happy kiddo, but I just worry about him when he realizes those differences, or his friends do. I know, TOTALLY borrowing trouble from tomorrow and God will give us the grace when that time comes. But these are things that go through my mind and sometimes it's good to get it out.
So as this new year arrives I'll work on trusting the Lord in the midst of the apprehension and looking for the ways He'll show His power and love through each day. And while I'm at it, I want to thank each and everyone who may see this for praying for t and for us. There is no doubt in my mind that God has blessed us so greatly because of such loving, dedicated prayer warriors. Thanks for fighting (praying) for and with us! God has already won the battle, but isn't it amazing that He invites us to take an active roll in it and see Him do it?!! God bless you in 2010!
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Love you, Sarah. You are a strong woman and God is going to make you even stronger this next scary, new, fast approaching year, I know it!
ReplyDeleteI just wrote about the same kind of thing on my blog, with Benjamin, and my fears of the unknown with his aspergers. I fear whether I am doing the right thing by not getting him diagnosed, or by homeschooling him instead of public school and all the therapy they could offer. I didn't write about all that, but it goes along with it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I thought I'd share with you the verse God continually speaks to my heart, it might give you some comfort.
"He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young." Isaiah 40:11.
It gives me so much comfort to know it's not really me who is taking care of him, but God carries him in His own loving arms, as I follow.
Thanks Amy! That is a wonderfully encouraging verse.
ReplyDeleteSarah, you are all in my prayers and I know that God is going to do great things this year and give you the strength to handle any mountain that might appear....Todd is so special and wonderful, I loved it when you said he grabbed part of a mobile and brought it to his chest! He'll do great! he already is! lv u,jo
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